This I Believe...

This blog post comes courtesy of my Big Bro. He was kind enough to allow me to post something he recently wrote that is highly personal. The essay below was part of a school assignment that will be published on ThisIbelieve.org an international organization engaging people in writing and sharing essays describing the core values that guide their daily lives.

You Are Going to Die, So Be Happy

Stephen Cammarota

It may sound morbid, but people have an expiration date. Sometimes people don’t even get a chance to make it that long. Car crashes, sickness, acts of god, all of these things have the potential to snuff out the light of life. I don’t dwell on this reality, I merely acknowledge it. Accepting mortality allows for  a more fulfilling life. You are going to die, so be happy.

Last year it was very likely that I had lymphoma. Various preceding medical complications, including a blood disorder and an immune deficiency, as well as  two courses of early age chemotherapy  had most likely mutated my cells into cancer cells. The outlook was grim, all of the tests came back positive. When I was first made aware of this, I did not know how to feel. I didn’t cry, I wasn’t angry, I was just puzzled. I thought, “young people don’t get cancer”. Sure I have some other serious medical problems, but not anything as serious as cancer”. The enormity of the situation was very real and I understood it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to feel anything. The full effect of this news came crashing down on me about a week later. I would have panic attacks, and be unable to function. I finally knew damn well what emotion I was feeling, and it was fear. If things kept on going the way they were I was going to die from panic long before the cancer got to me. Thats when I made the conscious decision to accept the fact that I might die, and it might happen sooner rather than later. It was liberating. 

Allowing the possibility of death into my life allowed me to move past my fear. I started focusing more on the time I thought I had left, making the moments count and not focusing on the petty trivial pursuits that had governed a large part of my life. Gone were my worries about the quiz I failed and if my hair looked okay that day (It did). I devoted more time to family and the things I liked to do. This was not denial, this was freedom. I realized that I might die, and this made me appreciate what time I had, and how much my friends and family cared. I was feeling better than I had in a long time. The news came that this wasn’t cancer, just a flare up of a pre-existing condition.  The response my father received from me after relaying the information was “Thats cool”. Needless to say, he was surprised.

Nobody lives forever. Realizing this has made my life all that more precious. I thankfully do not have cancer, although I am still 50 percent more susceptible than the normal person. I make more time for the more important things, and I worry less about the small stuff. Accepting that death is as much a part of life as life itself allows for a more fulfilling and rewarding existence. This I believe.

Mom gets it...

The "C" Word

One word that should never be used: the "c" word

Mom just read an article about a beautiful young woman who suffers from a rare disability, (in fact it doesn't even have a name) where she doesn't produce any body fat. At the age of 25 she weighs a mere 58 pounds. She spoke with confidence, poise, grace, humility, and a sense of humor. When asked how she was able to speak with such confidence despite the fact that kids were afraid of her in elementary school and often bullied she replied " because my parents never said the word "can't". Her parents treated her like every other kid. Therefore, when she went to kindergarten, she had no idea that she was "different" than others. That got me to thinking. I can't remember the last time my parents told me I could not do something. When the doctors said I would never be able to take a bottle, my mom got rid of the feeding tubes and gave me a bottle anyway. When they said I would not walk, my parents got rid my walker ( in Disney World no less!) and had me chasing Mickey Mouse and Goofy. I got some bumps and bruises along the way, but it has made me who I am today. Instead of telling you what I can't do, let me tell you what I can do. I can run faster and farther than dad, I can throw a baseball harder than mom, I can make more baskets than Big Bro and I have more endurance than Big Sis. I can play any sport that involves a ball, and in most cases, I am better at it than my family. I have skied some high mountains, and swam with some beautiful fish. I even  flew in a  4 seater plane with dad just for fun! Maybe someday, I will fly the plane myself...

There are so many people who tell themselves they can't do things. You've heard them. "I can't imagine what it would be like to be in your shoes", "I could never handle being diagnosed with that", "I'm not smart enough", "I'm not strong enough" and so on and so forth. But guess what. You can. My parents did. My Big Bro did" People can and they do. So let's not talk about what you can't do. Dream big and shoot for the stars, and the rest will follow.