Who you calling stupid?

I've pondered writing a blog on the "R" word ever since I started blogging, but always avoided it figuring it was an easy topic to keep in my back pocket when I ran out of ideas for topics to write about. Well, you know what they say, "you snooze, you lose".  I recently read the piece below on a site I follow called The Mighty and realized that I could not have summed up my feelings any better than its author, Phoebe Holmes did below when explaining the "R" word as it pertains to her daughter Maura. Maura and I seem a lot alike, and you can insert my name for hers below and the story would be exactly the same. So next time you are about to use the word retard instead of stupid, think about how stupid you may sound.

Being Retarded by Phoebe Holmes

All around me, people use the word retarded without a second thought. Sometimes, I’ll say “Um, dude, really?” and they’ll say, “Oops, my bad! But really! I was being so retarded!”

Sometimes, I let it slide. I realize that it’s a word that’s ingrained in our society’s vocabulary, and people use it without a second thought to its meaning.

But what does it mean to be retarded? Well, I know what it doesn’t mean.

It doesn’t mean not being able to choose something for lunch despite 100 choices in front of you.

It doesn’t mean not being able to find your car keys.

It doesn’t mean saying the wrong thing to a person.

It doesn’t mean forgetting your best friend’s birthday.

It’s not something to describe yourself as when you’ve spilled your coffee or tripped on a crack in the sidewalk.

It’s not something to describe your computer, car or phone.

According to Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the word “retarded” means –

: slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress

For me, it’s not just any old word – it’s my daughter. My beautiful, bright, happy, loving, amazing daughter who is slow or limited in intellectual development and academic progress.

In our household, being retarded means something different.

It means not being able to fully care for yourself.

It means not understanding what the doctor is going to do to you.

It means not being able to explain what hurts when something hurts.

It means not being able to ride a two wheeler. Or read. Or ever be able to live on your own.

But ever the optimist, I also know that  in our household retarded means…

…never realizing the negativity behind the word, “retarded”.

…never knowing the insensitivity surrounded the word’s usage.

…never realizing the ignorance of people.

…never knowing how other people view you.

Being retarded also means…

…loving unconditionally.

…finding joy in the smallest of things.

…being self-confident.

…not realizing that there are limitations.

…innocence.

This is Maura.  Her diagnosis?  Cognitively disabled.  Which means retarded.  When you call yourself retarded, you’re also calling my child stupid.  Because you use the word as just that – another form of stupid.

Let’s get something straight here.

My daughter may have cognitive issues. She may have delays. She may never live on her own. Scratch that. She will never live on her own.

But Maura is not stupid.

In her own way, Maura is very smart.  Maybe smarter than us at times. She has more self-confidence than anyone I know who has called themselves “retarded”.  She is the best judge of a person’s character than anyone else I’ve ever known.

Yes, she is slow to learn things. But she is not stupid.

I know that most people don’t use the word “retarded” maliciously.  Most people I know use it in a self-depreciating way. And when I point it out, they go, “Oh wow!  I’m sorry!” and they truly feel like a heel. But the thing is, you’re still using it in the way that people who do use it maliciously use it as – to describe stupidity.

So why not just use the word “stupid” instead?  Because I know what “retarded” is.  I live with it in the form of my daughter. And in our world “retarded” doesn’t equate to “stupid”.

Read more: http://themighty.com/2014/06/being-retarded/#ixzz3sKWwPga5

Gravity

I spent Easter weekend in DC visiting my brother and hitting the museums. Mostly the Air and Space museums. I went to both. The one on the mall and the giant one out at Dulles. They have the Space Shuttle and the SR-71 Blackbird. Seems to me that humans have been trying to defy gravity for a long time, but gravity always wins. You can't escape it. I also took some time on Easter Sunday to visit Arlington National Cemetary. If you want to experience gravity, I suggest you take some time to walk the solemn grounds and come back to earth a little. I was visiting the internment site of my cousin Christie Day. She was just as much a hero as all the people I learned about who tried to defy gravity. But she was the opposite of them. She accepted gravity. She stuck close to the ground and focused on the task at hand, raising an amazing Autistic son. She was a real hero, but not one you will read about in a museum. She was just as brave if not braver. She was the reason her son is an amazing young man now, who is his dad's best friend and who is smart as a whip. You see, Christie was his hero. She home schooled him and personally and tirelessly made sure he was ready for the world even though she was dying from cancer. The gravity of all gravity. She was barely 50 years old. She built a classroom for her son in her house and educated him better than any school could. She never stopped smiling and fighting the disease that would eventually win. She is one of the people that make mom cry when remembered. You see, people like Christie and mom have a special tie because of the gravity that has forced them to remain grounded for a greater purpose. I am sure they would love to spread their wings and fly for the stars, but they cannot. They are tasked with a much greater but much unheralded purpose.  They care for us. The special ones. They sacrifice their potential in the world that we herald in museums,  only to be the heroes in my world. They deserve to be laid to rest amongst those who's bravery is unchallenged. They are the true pioneers who brave new worlds for their children. They make the future brighter, if only for their child.  They defy gravity every day. Their museum is in our hearts. 

Dear Jenny, Please Don't Kill My Big Bro!

Listen to smart people!

Yes, this message is to Jenny McCarthy and all the other famous Non-Vaxxers, Anti-Vaxxers and negligent parents out there who have single handedly helped to bring back measles, a disease that we thought we had eradicated. I have compassion for the few of them who face the challenge of being a parent to an autistic child, but I lack compassion for their misguided belief in bad statistics and adherence to fraudulent studies. I have even less compassion for those parents who choose not to vaccinate their kids for fear that it "might" cause autism. It doesn't. And that's a fact. Look, I am not a fan of pharmaceutical companies and don't trust them, but I do my research. Google the studies and you will find enough supporting facts. Or just read this article by Sanjay Gupta which sums it up neatly for you. There are plenty of autistic kids who weren't vaccinated, and even more non-autistic kids who were vaccinated. You might wonder why I'm on my high horse about this issue. Well, you see, my Big Bro has been lucky enough like me to hit the rare disease lottery which means due to a few chemo treatments for his disease, he has a severely compromised immune deficiency. He relies on weekly treatments that he injects into himself to fight off things you and I don't even worry about. No treatments, no immunity. No selfless donors of blood products used to create the treatments, no immunity. He also relies on the assumption that intelligent members of our society will not do things to enhance his chances of biting the dust. Which brings me to the Anti-Vaxxers. They only have the luxury of even having a choice not to vaccinate because of all of the responsible people who have vaccinated over the years. The responsible people created the measles free world which now allows these self-absorbed parents to "choose" to protect their children at the risk of killing babies and cancer patients and immune suppressed folks like Big Bro. How nice of them. I am sure they will change their tune when their kids are getting measles at an alarmingly high rate. Oh, and thanks for the impending unnecessary costs to our already challenged healthcare system. I'll end my rant with one question to all of you Non-Vaxxers. What are you going to do when they come out with a vaccine for autism? I suppose you won't vaccinate for fear that it might cause measles :-)